Saturday, 3 March 2012

SherlockTales and the Hounds of Asia

"Helloogaarghhhgrrr" ... "Raaargh" ... and then rather elegantly "FFS!": my vocal entry to each village of Yunnan province as yet another rabid hound leaps from guarding the pigs, the child, the woodstore, the grandma and in a flurry of dust and fleas and snapping ivories tries to sample what the beast on the Uzbekistan border had found so attractive about my derriรจre.

The Uzbek border incident - resulting in the most punctures I'd received in one day, albeit to my left buttock - was not actually the guard dog's fault. After tackling and succeeding in the 5 day desert dash across the Karakum Desert of Turkmenistan it seemed only fitting that a beer was had to celebrate and rather conveniently there was a cafe 1 metre from the border and even better the proprietor said yes you may sleep outside on the concrete. Before said beer was consumed I noticed that there were 2 rather unique looking sheep on the other side of the wall. Wanting to get a better look I climbed over the wall and admired these fine sheep with their chocolate curls then noticed there was actually a gate I could have entered by. And this was the route I took for my return..

Approaching a guard dog is a stupid thing to do. Standing on one is very painful..to the left buttock. Fortunately Shylock's pound of flesh only transpired to Sherlock's four puncture wounds, ripped shorts and a sheepish smile as 3 old ladies with grubby hands whisked me into a cess pit of a toilet and helped bandage my bottom. I tried to re-enter Turkmenistan as there had been a doctor on the border (who'd I thought was about to shoot me in the head but was actually taking my temperature) but was pushed back by the guard despite me miming that a dog had just eaten my behind.

It was 24 hours later that I reached the silk road town of Bukhara after a lopsided cycle.
"Where's the dog? You need to bring it with you if you want to get treatment"
"I'm sorry, f.. I.. what?!
"The dog, the doctor needs to see it"
"I need to go and collect the dog that bit me that is now 100km away?"
"Yes"
"oh.."

I limped off, redressed my wound, said a prayer and took a handful of antibiotics...



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